You Can't Please All of the People All of the Time

So it was brought to my attention that it's mid-April and I haven't posted in a while. Yeah yeah yeah. I'm busy and I don't have an internet connection at home right now. (due to a money-saving strategy) At the moment I'm not even sure where my laptop's at--it's buried somewhere in my apartment amidst stacks of boxes. So today I am blogging from an undisclosed location.

In two days (count them--2!) I finally close on my house! It has been a real pain in the posterior to get all of the information rounded up that the lender keeps asking for. At one point I even had to send them a copy of my mother's bank statement because she gave me $500 for the earnest money! They wouldn't accept a simple "my mom gave it to me." Whatever. At least they dropped the whole repairs thing.

Some good news--my broker told me my closing costs are likely to be less than he originally told me. Yippee! I can afford more paint! Also, I paid off my car yesterday. I called the bank to find out what my final payment would be next month and was told "$93.06." So I asked, "that's $93.06 plus this month's payment?" "No, just $93.06." I had that check written before I even got the phone hung up.

Now for some bad news--my cat's missing. Nick, the big guy pictured at the top of this blog, hasn't been seen since Saturday. My grandparents are pretty worried about him and they've been scouring the neighborhood looking for him and have even checked the local pound. He's disappeared for a day or so before, but never for this long. Hopefully he's just hanging out at someone's house living the high life for a few days. If anyone in Justin happens to be reading this, please let me know if you see a big, fluffy, black and white cat sashaying around town.

Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200, Go Straight to Jail

OK, so I have had some days that were weird, but this one's starting to take the cake. Started out innocently enough, just yet another busy Monday trying to juggle my job and a system update. Nothing I can't handle, despite my body feeling like it's been hit by a train (that's another story, which involves chasing a rabbit for 5 hours!)

Oh but wait, I'm trying to buy a house, too!

My innocent Monday was knocked off track by an email from Becky at my mortgage broker's office that stated "The appraiser noted a couple of things about the property that need to be taken care of before purchase. Since this is a HUD home I know they will not make any repairs. A toilet must be placed in the master bath and ceiling light fixtures set in the gameroom and bedrooms. Let me know if you can get these done, I'll have to send the appraiser back out to inspect after they are done."

I told Becky I was aware of the problems and they were first on my list of things to take care of upon closing. Because, let's face it, this isn't the 18th century, and you can't really live in a house without a toilet. Kind of makes things desperate. And the whole missing toilet thing leads to more questions like: "why on earth would someone take a toilet with them when the move out??" They also stripped out all the ceiling fans in the bedrooms. No sweat, at least not until summer.

Becky's email back to me wasn't that encouraging: "Yes, sorry the lender is very cautious about the condition of HUD homes, its a pain but they protect you and the investment into the property. The title company requires that I have the loan docs there about 5 days before closing and I won't be able to get those docs until I get the approval which is affected by the repairs.....yuck! Let me know so I can send him back out for inspection."

Okay. Sounds simple enough, right? Repairs=Funding. All I need to do is get HUD to allow me access to the property in order to make these few minor repairs and then my funding will be released and the sale can go through. Evidently my broker has actually encountered this type of thing before and had no problem being able to resolve it.

But wait, this is me we're talking about. I got on the phone with my agent, told them what was happening, and let Connie make the call to HUD and arrange all this. In the meantime, I got on the phone with my dad and asked him to help me take care of these things this weekend. Well, he's not really available because he's going turkey hunting (yet another story), but he could come "sometime" in the afternoon. Never mind that I need to schedule an exact time for my agent to meet us there in order to let us in.

Well, Dad gets to go turkey hunting after all and take as long as he wants to do it. Connie called me back after she spoke with someone at HUD, and left me a message because I was in yet another conference call regarding the system upgrade (yes, I still have to work despite trying to buy a house). Her voicemail had me laughing out loud based on the sheer madness of the information she relayed. To paraphrase: there is no way we can do that, because HUD does not make repairs, it is still government property and to attempt it would mean the loss of earnest money and property and prosecution for trespassing. If someone had ever told me that trying to purchase a home would offer me my first threat at jail time, I would have laughed in their face. Hell, I'm laughing right now!

Honestly, can nothing work smoothly in this lifetime? HUD did suggest that the money for the repairs be placed in escrow and a time limit of 30 days be given for the repairs to be made after closing. Well, seeing as how this sounds pretty reasonable to me (because hey, so did the first suggestion!) there's no way it will work out.

So here I sit, in the midst of a Catch-22: No repairs+no funding=no sale for HUD, who won't allow the repairs that will get me the funding. You'd think they'd bend a little in order to ensure the sale. I mean, there's no way I'm backing out once I've got money invested in the property. At this point in the day, Becky has a call in to the underwriter to see what they think about HUD's suggestion, so I likely won't hear an answer before tomorrow. I am resolving myself to letting them settle the matter.

Days like this are why God gave us Xanax.

That's All I Need--More Crap

Haven't posted much recently because let's face it, I just haven't felt all that sarcastic. But things are looking up. We have a new baby in the family--Noah Daxton was born on Thursday and came into the world weighing a whopping 6lbs. 10 oz.(I still have yet to see him, even though he was born in a hospital not that far from where I live). He arrived a bit early because my cousin had toxemia, so they induced on Thursday morning.

New babies are great, so long as they aren't mine. I like to do the spoiling, the buying of noisy toys that I won't have to put up with, and the "Isn't he precious? Now go home" thing. I prefer the bragging about how cute they are to the actual raising. Just ask my coworkers--they have been forced to see every one of my nephew's school pictures, and I just bask in their praise.

More news: the closing on my house is set for April 18th. Yippee! Not sure which I am looking forward to more--the actual ownership of a house, or the seven vacation days I am taking in order to paint, repair and move. Tough call, since I haven't taken an actual vacation since I started this job!

My mortgage guy is great. I've said that before and am saying it again. He's great. Mostly because he won't bullshit me. As he was leaving my office the other day after getting me to sign away my life for the next 30 years, he told me he's not the kind of guy who sends baskets of junk when people buy houses. Aw damn! Didn't he know that's why I got myself into this whole thing?? It's for the gift baskets of crap I don't need!

Hey, I'm thankful I dodged a bullet there. LOL. You should see all the stuff I have to move. I've got a one bedroom apartment stacked full of boxes, more stuff in my aunt's garage, and even a few pieces of furniture stashed in a storage unit. I keep forcing myself not to go shopping because I'm sure there are forgotten treasures hidden away in boxes (and probably a ton of crap I can get rid of, too!)

Save the Planet... It's the Only One with Chocolate

So, I had a conversation with my aunt yesterday that traveled this route:

As we were leaving the dollar store, I handed her a bag with a gallon jug of water in it.
Me: Why do they insist on wasting plastic bags on something that already has a handle?
My Aunt: *sigh* Just don't worry about it.
Me: Don't they know that by not using them in such situations they can have a positive impact on the environment?
My Aunt: Don't sweat the small stuff.
Me: *exasperated, throws hands up in the air.* (Honestly, how can you argue with a brick wall who refuses to see that this "small stuff" adds up?)

We drive back to her house. She starts complaining about the way her neighbor trimmed his trees.
Me: They're his trees.
My Aunt: He could have at least trimmed them to look better!
Me: "Don't sweat the small stuff." heeheeheehee

I keep warning her that whenever she says stuff like "don't sweat the small stuff" or "just get over it" to me I'm going remember it and send it back her way. Why should I allow her to dismiss my feelings when she harps to me about things, as well?