Friday, October 30, 2009

My Cat Tried to Kill Me

"Yes, Officer, a serious attempt was made on my life this morning."

"What happened?"

"I was attacked in my bathroom. He knocked me into the bathtub, but I managed to not hit my head or pull the shower curtain off its rings. It was pretty scary. I have a boo-boo on my elbow."

"What did he look like?"

"Short, lots of black hair, gold eyes, four legs and a tail."

"A tail?"

"Yes. A tail. And I'll never forget his voice, either. I don't know what he was saying, but his tone was very threatening. I think he was demanding food or something."

"Then what happened?"

"Well, as soon as my feet flew out from beneath me, he fled. Like most evil villains, he didn't stick around to make sure I was dead."

"Were there any witnesses?"

"Jake was on the bed and saw everything, but I don't think you'll be able to get him to make a statement. He's very close-mouthed around cops, especially after he was arrested with a bunch of others and thrown in a tiny cell until I paid his bail."

Policeman closes his notebook and tucks his pen back in his pocket.

"Ma'am, there's really nothing more I can do here. Perhaps you should call a psychiatrist."

(Yes, Izzy really did trip me and knock me into the bathtub this morning, telling the story this way was just more fun.)

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